PICTURE PAGES: CRAZY 1933 GERMAN ELECTROCUTION HANDBOOK - PART TWO

Finally, time for more fun with electricity! We now present to you part two of...

....THE CRAZY 1933 GERMAN ELECTROCUTION HANDBOOK!

If you missed part one, be sure to check it out!

Now...tally-forth, kiddos...and onto the last set of 15 shockingly fun images!:




WARNING: God does not tolerate kite worshiping. All heathens will be smited.




WARNING: Washing clothes manually may suck, but suicide is not your only way out.




WARNING: You can not vacuum fire.




WARNING: Unless you're trying to get a telegram from the Grim Reaper, stabbing it with scissors just isn't gonna fix it, moron.




WARNING: Though tempting, please refrain from grabbing the giant phallic oven rod.




WARNING: If you've managed to put on a bra, nightie, gartered stockings and even heels since getting out of the shower, your hair probably isn't wet anymore.




WARNING: Unless your name is Flava Flav, the wearing of a giant oversized telephone necklace is a fashion crime punishable by death.



WARNING: Just because it looks like fun to pee on, doesn't mean it is. And stop using a backhanded grip while grabbing your junk. It makes you look silly.




The 1933 version of the "Slap Chop" was not as easy to clean as Vince had promised on the infomercial.




WARNING: Don't ever think you are safe. EVER. Stay dirty, stay alive!




WARNING: Even rats can't resist the sweet, sweet taste of death.




WARNING: Electrocuting yourself won't garner attention from Daddy, he's just too busy to care. When in doubt, try the trusted method of becoming a stripper.




WARNING: Exorcism in progress.




WARNING: Do not use electricity in an attempt to curdle milk faster. It doesn't work.





WARNING: Though effective, please refrain from using electricity to neuter your pet.


Enjoy your day, and remember; beware the rat smart enough to chew the ground wire....

....thus sayeth the Bitter Old Bitch.

PICTURE PAGES: CRAZY 1933 GERMAN ELECTROCUTION HANDBOOK - PART ONE

Ever wonder how many different ways you can electrocute yourself to death? Well wonder no more, for today we present....

*drum roll*

....THE CRAZY 1933 GERMAN ELECTROCUTION HANDBOOK!

That's right children, take a peek at the many ways you too can be fried to a crisp, all from the comforts of your own home.

I'm particularly amused at how the artist warns people about many scenarios that seem, well..."improbable" to put it mildly. Whoever drew these scenes was one sick puppy with a hell of an imagination. KUDOS!

Without further ado, here is part one of our two part "Crazy 1933 German Electrocution Handbook" gallery. Enjoy!


WARNING: Not for use as a pacifier.



WARNING: If you are dumb enough to put a lamp over your tub, you deserve what you get.


WARNING: Electricity gets jealous if you decide to go with candles instead of electric lights on your Christmas tree.



WARNING: Stopping dam leaks with your finger is a Dutch thing in which German electricity refuses to tolerate.


WARNING: Shamwows are awesome, but may cause electrocution.


WARNING: Simpletons spontaneously bursting out air guitar solos will not be tolerated by any means.


WARNING: Frayed electrical cords may appear dirtier than they actually are.


WARNING: Do not listen to your ipod and practice your pop and lock moves while ironing.


WARNING: Read your damn book inside the house.


WARNING: 1933 technology is not far advanced enough for the iron to do the work itself.


WARNING: Darwinism at work.


WARNING: Don't ever, ever piss off your mailman.


WARNING: Do not leave your "SüperEnema 5000" kit unattended.


WARNING: Just because you are a train conductor doesn't mean you can't be another kind of conductor too.


WARNING: Douchebags may be tempted to use electricity as the "ultimate prank".

Stay tuned for part 2!

NOTE: PART 2 is now up!

....thus sayeth the bitter old bitch.

Another European peeve......

Today I was sitting around thinking about why I hate and loathe living in Europe, and one thing constantly comes to mind....

"FOOTBALL".

No, not gridiron, good 'ol American football, I'm talking that bullshit we call soccer.

Frankly, I just don't get it. Watching it alone is an eyesore. If you've ever seen a European football match you'll know what I mean. As popular as the sport is - they have more advertisements than you can shake a stick at. And I don't just mean "toss a banner for Volvo" on the sidelines, I mean all out craziness. Computer-generated ads are constanly being shown on the playing field grass, and just about anything with an inch of room has some logo plastered on it. The players' uniforms look more like something out of NASCAR than a real uniform - if some merchant can feel there is enough space on some dude's asscrack I'll be damned if some phone company won't slap one there the next day.

"Check it out, the AIG's just whooped the hell out of those Samsungs! Oh wait...you mean that's Manchester United and Chelsea? Well how the hell can you tell, why isn't THAT on their jerseys?"



The only thing funnier than the two guys looking like told above is that die-hard soccer fans actually PAY for jerseys like this to show their support to impersonalte the toolage. Talk about walking advertisements. I mean, sure...the players get paid enough to wear that shit...but why would anyone want to pay to wear a walking commercial?

.......thus sayeth the bitter old bitch, anyway.