I demand all bus stops have hammocks. I NEED that in my life.
....thus sayeth the Bitter Old Bitch.
Showing posts with label awesome. Show all posts
Showing posts with label awesome. Show all posts
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Ok, sure why not?: FIFTEEN FUN BUS STOPS
We all know how shitty waiting for the bus can be. If only all bus stops could be this awesome and entertaining!
I demand all bus stops have hammocks. I NEED that in my life.
....thus sayeth the Bitter Old Bitch.
I demand all bus stops have hammocks. I NEED that in my life.
....thus sayeth the Bitter Old Bitch.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
TWENTY-FIVE TOTALLY RAD EIGHTIES HAIRDOS (That we all try and pretend we didn't wear) + Special Bonus
And now, just for shits and giggles...here is an awesome grouping of 25 hairdos from the 80s. Hair we wore, we loved...and now, shame us:
The Rockhawk
The Fountain
The Dyna-Mullet (Yes, once upon a time - mullets could be classy!)
The FAME Headband Workout Tussle
The Windy Wave
The Steven Hawking (a.k.a. The "Big Bang Theory")
The Up-Don't
The MJ Thriller
The Mermaid
The Gnarly Surfer
The Rocker Guy, The Rocker Girl (and BONUS: Rocker Kid!)
The Side Spiral Pony
The Loofah Bang
The High School Standard
The Rat-Tail Special
The Standard Poodle
The Ponytail Tower Of Powah!
The Nintend-mullet
The Manfro
The "Little Red Raving Hood"
The Banana Cliperoo
The Jodie-Crimpapalooza
The Hairzilla
The Bo Derek Braids
The Flamingo
And now....as a special bonus, the Bitter Old Bitch has a note to you kids of today out there. So please, if you have any teenagers nearby, send them in the room now. I'll wait.
Ok....are they here?
Good. *clears throat*
Well hello there. I've been watching you kids out there...all on your facebooks and myspaces looking all pouty all the damn time. At first I thought it was all those little metal rings you kids had in your faces. They certainly look painful, and I thought that was why you were pouting all the time in your photos; because your faces hurt or because you had damaged some facial nerves and you were no longer able to smile. But after some careful observation I have realized why you look so sad.
....because you all look the damn same and you all have the same shitty haircut.
......kids, change your hair and take out that crap from your face if you really want to be different. You'd be surprised what a boost to the self-esteem being an individual will make. Then maybe you'll smile for once. And give your parents a hug, they had shitty hair once too. But at least they had plenty to choose from.
........thus sayeth the Bitter Old Bitch
And now....as a special bonus, the Bitter Old Bitch has a note to you kids of today out there. So please, if you have any teenagers nearby, send them in the room now. I'll wait.
Ok....are they here?
Good. *clears throat*
Well hello there. I've been watching you kids out there...all on your facebooks and myspaces looking all pouty all the damn time. At first I thought it was all those little metal rings you kids had in your faces. They certainly look painful, and I thought that was why you were pouting all the time in your photos; because your faces hurt or because you had damaged some facial nerves and you were no longer able to smile. But after some careful observation I have realized why you look so sad.
....because you all look the damn same and you all have the same shitty haircut.
......kids, change your hair and take out that crap from your face if you really want to be different. You'd be surprised what a boost to the self-esteem being an individual will make. Then maybe you'll smile for once. And give your parents a hug, they had shitty hair once too. But at least they had plenty to choose from.
........thus sayeth the Bitter Old Bitch
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
TATER SALAD + CONTOROTIONISM = FUN YET WEIRD
An oldie but still a long running favorite of the B.O.B. - I know most of my buds have been forced into seeing this by me but it is too good not to continue sharing. For those who have never witnessed the fun created when potato salad and contortionist shenanigans collide into one heaping ball of awesome, this is for you.
The fun starts around 1:00, but the video is well worth a full watch. Catchy tune too!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
STOP RAPING MY CHILDHOOD!: Tonka Dump Truck
Okay kiddies of yesteryear, how many of you are sick and tired of seeing the things you loved dearly from your childhood being changed for the worse?
I'm looking at you, kids born before 1985. Kids who grew up with dangerous toys and loved every damn minute of it. Kids who lived in rooms with lead paint on the walls. Kids who rode their bicycles and skateboards down the street and never needed any pansy-ass elbow pads or helmets...kids who rode their Big Wheels down the slide just for hell of it...yeah, you...
...stand up and give the Bitter Old Bitch an "Amen"!
I'm tired of seeing everything I once loved, cartoons, toys, whatever - all changed to fit this new world order of bullshittery. Today, I give you one example of awesomeness that has become pussified with the times. Today, we're talking about:
THE TONKA DUMP TRUCK
Now THAT is what Willis was talkin' 'bout!
Yes, the mighty Tonka Dump Truck. It had sharp metal edges that could slice you six ways from Sunday, and if your truck was well-loved, enough rust on it to give an entire 3rd world country lockjaw. But it was tough, damn tough. It was your playground friend, you could haul anything in that sucker...from 15 pounds of dirt to an entire grocery bag full of Legos. And it could even carry YOU. Yes, many a child bored with hauling around gravel ended up sitting on it and taking it for a ride down a sloped driveway. And if you were lucky enough to have two (or a friend who also owned one) it was only a matter of time before someone put their feet in them and tried the infamous "Tonka Truck Rollerskate Supreme". Those were the days, my friends...those were the days.
Pictured: Sharp metal edges and an assload of fun.
Tonka Trucks were quality, and no matter how much abuse you gave them, they held up. How many toy cars these days can a child actually sit on and ride without the axel snapping in half the minute more than 2 lbs of pressure is applied? ZERO. But Tonka...Tonka could do it, and we loved it.
This my friends, is what a Tonka Truck used to be; molten metal could only dream of being formed into something so bad-ass:
HELL TO THE YEAH.
But what about today? Well, luckily (or not!) Tonka still makes dump trucks. But, they've...well...changed...*cough* the design a little. You know, to adhere to modern safety standards. Because kids today need to be protected all the time. Not like us heathens, whose parents would toss some lawn darts in our hands and smack us on the ass and force us to go out and play with them (unattended of course!).
Brace yourselves. Yes folks...this is what a Tonka Dump Truck is today:
WTFBBQ.
Tonka, take your colorful plastic piece of shit and give me my rusty metal death trap back! And STOP RAPING MY CHILDHOOD!
...thus sayeth the Bitter Old Bitch.
I'm looking at you, kids born before 1985. Kids who grew up with dangerous toys and loved every damn minute of it. Kids who lived in rooms with lead paint on the walls. Kids who rode their bicycles and skateboards down the street and never needed any pansy-ass elbow pads or helmets...kids who rode their Big Wheels down the slide just for hell of it...yeah, you...
...stand up and give the Bitter Old Bitch an "Amen"!
I'm tired of seeing everything I once loved, cartoons, toys, whatever - all changed to fit this new world order of bullshittery. Today, I give you one example of awesomeness that has become pussified with the times. Today, we're talking about:
Yes, the mighty Tonka Dump Truck. It had sharp metal edges that could slice you six ways from Sunday, and if your truck was well-loved, enough rust on it to give an entire 3rd world country lockjaw. But it was tough, damn tough. It was your playground friend, you could haul anything in that sucker...from 15 pounds of dirt to an entire grocery bag full of Legos. And it could even carry YOU. Yes, many a child bored with hauling around gravel ended up sitting on it and taking it for a ride down a sloped driveway. And if you were lucky enough to have two (or a friend who also owned one) it was only a matter of time before someone put their feet in them and tried the infamous "Tonka Truck Rollerskate Supreme". Those were the days, my friends...those were the days.
Tonka Trucks were quality, and no matter how much abuse you gave them, they held up. How many toy cars these days can a child actually sit on and ride without the axel snapping in half the minute more than 2 lbs of pressure is applied? ZERO. But Tonka...Tonka could do it, and we loved it.
This my friends, is what a Tonka Truck used to be; molten metal could only dream of being formed into something so bad-ass:
But what about today? Well, luckily (or not!) Tonka still makes dump trucks. But, they've...well...changed...*cough* the design a little. You know, to adhere to modern safety standards. Because kids today need to be protected all the time. Not like us heathens, whose parents would toss some lawn darts in our hands and smack us on the ass and force us to go out and play with them (unattended of course!).
Brace yourselves. Yes folks...this is what a Tonka Dump Truck is today:
Tonka, take your colorful plastic piece of shit and give me my rusty metal death trap back! And STOP RAPING MY CHILDHOOD!
...thus sayeth the Bitter Old Bitch.
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