JOURNEY INTO THE MUSEUM OF TAXIDERMY - TOUR #1!!!!!

And now, part one in an upcoming series, the Bitter Old Bitch presents.......

The Museum of Taxidermy!!!!





Welcome to the gallery, children. I am the Bitter Old Bitch and I will be your guide for today's tour. Today we'll be taking a look at some of the best (and worst) displays of taxidermy art. But I see you are all very anxious to get inside...so follow me and let's begin the tour...remember, please try and refrain from handling the art, and no photography please, postcards are available at the Gift Shop. Today we will be looking at:


Fishin' Squirrel


Flying drinking monkey


Hedgehog business card holder


Mouse in a trap...oh the fun one can have with one of these at the office! Unlike the real deal, this stuffed version can be used again and again and never decays!


Boxing Prairie Dogs

Rodeo Toads

Computer Mouse


Piggy pull-toy

Cowboy squirrel


Basketball wildcat...which if you all will kindly take a look to your left, you will see his nemesis....

...Football badger



Here we have a lovely set of smoking room squirrels...and over here...


...we have a dead kitten tea party
Adorable, isn't it?
Now, looking to your right......


...we have a soldier squirrel...ready for battle! More than likely he is here to defend the contents of....


Decanter Squirrel.

Because nothing says "class" like pouring your friends a glass of fine wine from Rocky's decapitated corpse!

Here we have a lovely set of marriage mice. But today is no single wedding, kids! We're upping the ante and making it a double!....


....with a dead kitten wedding.

Now I know what you are thinking. "Gee, B.O.B. - these are a lot of squirrels and mice and small animals, isn't there anything bigger? Where are the large animals?"

Well kids, the larger the animals get, the more it costs to stuff them. That's why you see so many small animals in the gallery. But those of you that enjoy large animals, have no worry....there are a great amount of specialists out there who can still provide you a large animal at a discounted price. Just ask this horse lover over here....


You'd be amazed the deals you can get! She has her favorite horse forever...and at the bargain price of 80% off the full retail price!





Now, for the last part of your first tour...let's wander off into the gallery of fashion...shall we? Follow me...

Here we have a set of lovely mouse brooches and just down the hall we have another mouse accessory...

An albino mouse pendant. Trés Chic!

And now on to our last exhibit for today....



...an authentic Louis Vuitton handbag for your dog. Er, I mean...of your dog.

I'll let you ponder upon that one for a while.

See you for the next tour.....we'll be open for more taxidermy fun real soon!

....thus sayeth the Bitter Old Bitch.

PICTURE PAGES: CRAZY 1933 GERMAN ELECTROCUTION HANDBOOK - PART ONE

Ever wonder how many different ways you can electrocute yourself to death? Well wonder no more, for today we present....

*drum roll*

....THE CRAZY 1933 GERMAN ELECTROCUTION HANDBOOK!

That's right children, take a peek at the many ways you too can be fried to a crisp, all from the comforts of your own home.

I'm particularly amused at how the artist warns people about many scenarios that seem, well..."improbable" to put it mildly. Whoever drew these scenes was one sick puppy with a hell of an imagination. KUDOS!

Without further ado, here is part one of our two part "Crazy 1933 German Electrocution Handbook" gallery. Enjoy!


WARNING: Not for use as a pacifier.



WARNING: If you are dumb enough to put a lamp over your tub, you deserve what you get.


WARNING: Electricity gets jealous if you decide to go with candles instead of electric lights on your Christmas tree.



WARNING: Stopping dam leaks with your finger is a Dutch thing in which German electricity refuses to tolerate.


WARNING: Shamwows are awesome, but may cause electrocution.


WARNING: Simpletons spontaneously bursting out air guitar solos will not be tolerated by any means.


WARNING: Frayed electrical cords may appear dirtier than they actually are.


WARNING: Do not listen to your ipod and practice your pop and lock moves while ironing.


WARNING: Read your damn book inside the house.


WARNING: 1933 technology is not far advanced enough for the iron to do the work itself.


WARNING: Darwinism at work.


WARNING: Don't ever, ever piss off your mailman.


WARNING: Do not leave your "SüperEnema 5000" kit unattended.


WARNING: Just because you are a train conductor doesn't mean you can't be another kind of conductor too.


WARNING: Douchebags may be tempted to use electricity as the "ultimate prank".

Stay tuned for part 2!

NOTE: PART 2 is now up!

....thus sayeth the bitter old bitch.