Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Retro goodness: CORN NUTS MASTURBATION COMMERCIAL = WIN!

Spanking the monkey. Giving yourself the "low" five. Freeing Willy. You don't have to be Willis to know what I'm talkin' 'bout...

But until the early 90's, what we didn't know is that masturbation was synonymous with Corn Nuts. Yes, Corn Nuts.

Now for those of you that have lived in a cave for the past 50 years or so, (or perhaps live overseas) Corn Nuts are a delicious yummy snack made from deep-fried corn kernels. In the US, they are made by Planters and are deee-frikkin-lish.


OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!


But one little known fact about Corn Nuts is that they used to have quite a risqué advertising campaign. And this was no "Oops, you took us out of context, that's not what we meant!" sly kind of deal - no, this was full-blown intentional sexual innuendo. The only thing Planters could have done to sex it up even more was to add a dancing midget, rubber hosing, some Vaseline and possibly a yak.


"Shh...WE WANT TO BE INSIDE YOU...MMmmM..."




So, for those of you who didn't have the pleasure of growing up with what could be considered one of the sexiest damn food promotions in history, I present to you the full radio jingle complete with lyrics - mainly aired in the Southern U.S. states - encouraging all of you to do some very naughty things with Corn Nuts:

WARNING: The jingle is very catchy. Don't blame me if you get caught singing it all day.



So next time you're playing with "Rumple Foreskin"...and for some reason you can't stop thinking about a snack - you'll know who to thank.


"Heyyy sweet tits, how about we stop listening to the radio and you go get us some Corn Nuts?" *wink*



(You're welcome.) ;)

....thus sayeth the bitter old bitch.

NOTE: What? Still can't get enough? Well..here's the other 2 commercials from the same series. I highly recommend the "longue singer" version - which tosses the word "masticate" REPEATEDLY for the *win*. Not shockingly, the campaign ended right after that one. ;)

BUST A NUT COMMERCIAL #2 - MORE SEXY GOODNESS



BUST A NUT COMMERCIAL #3 - LOUNGE SINGER MASTICATION

2 comments:

Viagra Online said...

Ha ha ha. I had never seen that relation. It is very explicit to be a mere coincidence. Still there are people that says that people were better in those years. Buy Viagra Viagra

Anonymous said...

I picked up my kids from school ands the all began to busy a nut as soon as they got in the car....