So, today I present to you a rundown of the top ten toilets that have come about that I wouldn't mind sitting my bitter old ass upon:
TOILET #10 - THE AQUARIUM TOILET:
Cons: You not only have to clean your toilet, but an aquarium too. Plus feed the fish (though if you don't at least there is easy-access burial system attached *fluuuussh*!) Plus, If there is a system of reincarnation - I imagine being brought back to the world as a fish with nothing to do but watch people poop for the rest of your short life must rank somewhere on the bottom rungs of the reincarnation ladder.
TOILET #9 - THE MEAT TOILET:
Cons: Doesn't look that comfortable to sit on, and the "tank" is slightly disturbing. O_o
TOILET #8 - THE SADDLE TOILET:
Cons: I SEE NO WAY TO FLUSH THIS?!?! EEW.
TOILET #7 - THE BLING BLING TOILET:
Cons: I ain't cleaning this thing.
TOILET #6 - THE "HOME OFFICE" TOILET:
Cons: Fax machines are soooo 1994.
TOILET #5 - THE RAVER TOILET:
Thanks to the makers of the Galactika toilet seat cover, you too can turn your toilet into a better pimped-out version of its former self complete with LED lights. Just check out this video:
Cons: Needs more cowbell. More light colors and action, please? If those lights would dance to the bass of my bowl farts - then I could give it a definite YES. Could be tweaked for the better.
TOILET #4 - THE "4:20" TOILET:
Because how many stoners do you know wished in one point of their lives they could make a bong out of the john? Well, now someone has started the process by making a pipe:
Cons: Though not with the toilet, grandma's bathroom tile surrounding that sucker has got to go. *shudder*
TOILET #3 - THE SKI JUMP TOILET:
Cons: Not suitable for those with a fear of heights or ski jumping in general.
TOILET #2 - THE SANTA TOILET:
Cons: If it doesn't act like a snow globe when flushed, it hasn't reached its full potential yet.
AND NOW...FINALLY..TOILET #1.......
THE "EVERYTHING" TOILET:
Cons: Wonder how the pizza delivery guy will feel when being forced to deliver to me directly on the toilet? Oh well...worth finding out! Hope he accepts rolls of Charmin for a tip...
....thus sayeth the bitter old bitch.