Saturday, May 2, 2009

Retro Goodness: VINTAGE SEXIST ADVERTS


Welcome to Misogyny 101 kiddos.

Today I'm giving you a ride in a time machine. We're going to look at vintage advertisements from a time not too long ago. A time where as a woman, failure to provide your man a fresh cup of coffee was rewarded with a beating and any sign of not being sexy would guarantee your ass being kicked to the curb. Here are 5 home-baked batches of ads from those days:

Enjoy.



In our first batch, we have the "Women are only good for housework!" theme:



"That's right, cooking, and popping out babies. Now quit hugging me and get your ass back in the kitchen, Janet!"





"Don't worry honey, I can use the power of beer to get shitfaced enough to forget how you couldn't provide a simple damn dinner for me. Worthless hag!"




"Hooray! I am finally useful despite my lack of a penis!"





"See Johnny, that's what happens to women when they do too much housework. Now hand me that baseball bat of yours, and watch me put her in her place again."





Maybe. But she better finish those god damned dishes first.





If the above statement is true, I must be one ugly bitch.





Flymo. 'Cuz bitches need to mow the lawn too.





Behold, the only kind of Christmas presents a woman deserves. Get to circling, ladies!




Batch #2: The "Women are only sex objects" theme:


Wow, check out the "projection equipment" on Sabrina there! O.o





Smoking. Because dieting alone just isn't enough.





In the 1950's, women waited for Santa wearing see-through negligees. THAT'S JUST HOW THINGS WERE DONE, DAMMIT.





*looks at the pictures on the side with Lauren "loving her socks" a little too much.*
Words escape me.





....and then nobody will ever love you.





"My mind, oh...and my sweet tight ass, he's always mentioning that."




That's right ladies, the #2 cause for divorce is having a run in your stockings. If you don't take care of your nylons, you have nobody to blame but yourself when he leaves your raggedy ass. But if this is #2, what is #1? Hmm...





#1 reason for divorce: "Middle-age" skin. As soon as you start looking like the cryptkeeper, Bob's gonna leave your ass. You have been warned.




Batch #3: The "Women are stupid" theme:



Mini. Even females can drive them.





FACT: The part of a woman's brain that stores the ability to do simple math is replaced by thoughts of household appliances.





Finally men, a birth control pill that not only lets you tap that whenever you want to, but also makes women think about ironing and doing laundry. We have achieved perfection. Pass these out to the womenfolk STAT!





GOD FORBID A WOMAN COULD POSSESS ENOUGH BRAIN CELLS AND MOTOR SKILLS TO OPEN A BOTTLE OF KETCHUP.





Batch #4: The "Women suck because their privates are smelly" theme:




No, its between her pretty little meat curtains. DUH.





Winner for being so subtle about it.





Use Zonite. Because your vajajay is so rank, your husband is now being forced to leave the house.




Ladies, if your coochie-stank is this bad, you've got a problem. Seriously.




Yes, you're reading that right. If you wanna keep your man, you have to douche with LYSOL. Experts agree.






Batch #5: The "Men are better than women" theme:



WOW.





It isn't rape, your honor. I was just TAMING her. *wink*





A man has full right to give you a beat down for not making sure his coffee is the best and freshest. How dare you defy him!





Because unlike Mom, Dad has a penis. Which in the real world means he was born to be a whisky-swillin' PIMP.





Wrong on so many levels.




ACTUAL QUOTE: "Men are better than women! Indoors women are useful - even pleasant. On a mountain they are something of a drag."




Blow smoke in her face. 'Cuz that's what all the bitches like.





Put that know-it-all tramp where she belongs - six feet under. Hey, you wanna sell that postage meter or not?




Have a great day everyone, and remember - you are allowed in the living room only after the dishes get done; and don't you forget it!

...thus sayeth the Bitter Old Bitch.

SIDE NOTE: I see my comments on this article went through the roof overnight which only means one thing...those silly pranksters over at I AM BORED have come to pay an old lady a visit again. Thanks for stopping by, you kids are welcome any time and are welcome to stick around as long as you see fit. There's hard ribbon candy in the bowl for you if you get hungry. - The B.O.B.

65 comments:

drollgirl said...

good lord -- there are no shortage of these ads on your post! wow!!! and i know more than one man that would like to return to 'the good old days'.

Sandy said...

WOW WOW WOW...I grew up in the 50's and that mind set was definitely prevalent ....great collection and enjoyed your thoughts about them.

Marie said...

These are so appalling! And were so accepted. Amazing.

Heather B said...

I , too, grew up in the fiftys and sixtys and
I married two of those kind of men. Guess I didnt learn the first time where my place is. I`m single these days and I like it that way. Thanks for reminding me why.

Salty Miss Jill said...

Holy shit.
What a retrospect!

Shelley said...

Holy fucking shit is all I can say.

Bad Cop said...

When can i expect my beard to grow in??

Tlou said...

So glad I grew up in the 80s/90s

reen said...

I'm floored. Brilliant.

Neal Snow said...

Hahahaha! I LONG for those kind of days. Now get back in the kitchen, WOMAN! Ah, for the days where smoking Chesterfields was recommended by nine out of ten doctors.

Wezagred said...

At last, I'll understand why my granddad always said "The good old days".

Anonymous said...

Sooooo...where were the sexist ones? All I saw was a little good old fashioned AMERICA!
great post by the way!

Anonymous said...

What are all you women doing on the internet? Get back in the kitchen and do those dishes!

James said...

34 Mindblowing Advertisements of Shoe Brands ever seen! One of the best ways to pass on your message or point to your targeted audience is advertisement. Nowadays, lots of companies are selling their products & services through advertisement

Anonymous said...

Advertisers know to capitalize on this, and their works become some of the most effective advertising campaigns known to society.
Most effective advertising with Creative Sex Appeal

Damn Hot Stuffs said...

12 Vintage Cigarette Ads They Would Never Get Away with Now Cigarette's aren't bad for you, in fact they make you happier, sexier, more popular and quite possibly richer. Not true?

BITTER OLD BITCH said...

Hmmm, haven't had a chance to look over everyone else's links they've posted here, but did check out the cigarette one.

Kinda sad the Flintstone Winston Cigarette commercial didn't make the cut for that list, that one is a classic and would DEFINITELY not be tolerated anymore.

Link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAExoSozc2c

BITTER OLD BITCH said...

Okay, wondered why I suddenly got so many comments in just an hour. It appears those rascals over at http//www.i-am-bored.com have struck my blog yet again!!

Well, happy to see you guys here again. Glad you seem to like what I've been writing. Thanks for stopping by and visiting a Bitter Old Bitch and reading her nonsense.

Just don't mess up my lawn while you're here! >:(

Anonymous said...

Well, some of these ads are just wrong but some of them are right. Nature made us that way that women was supposed to wash and clean the house and make babies, while the men were made for more physical work. Before it was the men out working and the women home washing/cleaning.You can see it all over the place in nature.

Anonymous said...

A large amount of them look remarkably photoshopped, by the way.

cool person said...

Film and television | Ads of the World | Having worked in bothSo what do you think of these ads? Any strike you as particularly awesome?

BITTER OLD BITCH said...

"Anonymous said...
A large amount of them look remarkably photoshopped, by the way."

No, young whipper snapper...they just look crappy because there was no photoshop back then. (I know, hard to believe, huh?) I remember quite a few of these ads. And strangely enough, many were marketed TOWARD women. :P

Cool person: Lovely. Though the hand disinfectant ads made me shiver. I hates me some maggots, dear.

To Anonymous that posted at 11:06 pm: Well, nature designed me to be a sarcastic old biddy and to excel at bitching about things. Oh, and eat cookies and take naps, I'm quite good at those too. Yet, I do like to think I'm good for other things too and shouldn't be judged that alone. *shrug* Just my opinion...

krabbykat said...

Hey there BOB: I'm actually an OWBOB (Older Wisea@@ Bitter Old Bitch). Just wanted you to know I love your site and the older ads about women are hilarious. I'm actually old enough to remember some of these...and worse!
FYI: I flew over from I-A-B, so not all of the IABers are kids, tho I'm probably one of the few geezer gals on the site.

Keep up the bitching...you do good!

Opiebreath said...

Ooh, the candy sure is tasty. Thanks for the hospitality, I-A-B loves you. :D

Ricklionhart said...

Hi BOB, I'm i-am-bored's WOF (Wise Old Fart) mod, we're not all kids there you know! Just thought I'd share this comment with you that I posted on IAB, and say a big thank-you!

---

When this was first submitted, approved, and placed in the shortlist, it provided a golden opportunity for me to talk to my 10 yo daughter about 'how people used to treat women in the old days', how things have changed, how she can be anything she wants to, why any type of -ism is wrong, etc. Thanks IAB for a great Public Service job!

Kelly said...

Photoshopped? Haha! If you need proof, please stop by your local Flea Market and pick up a magazine from the 50's - Better Homes, Cosmo, etc. They're only like 2 bucks a pop and they're awesome reads.

Anonymous said...

I thought this was the funniest page....I actually laughed alot. The very last one should have been Virginia Slims...You've come a long way baby.

nicole said...

haha that was lovely. The amaerican apparrel one was....dumbfounding.

simply hilarious

BITTER OLD BITCH said...

krabbykat: Thanks for the props and always room on the porch for another crabby bitch. You can help me keep the kids off my lawn. Nice to meet you.

Opiebreath (awesome handle...are you a Andy Griffith Show fan?) The B.O.B. loves you guys too. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I never thought anyone would ever be interested in reading what this old biddy writes about. My little place on the web is located somewhere in the asscrack of the internet. I am shocked you guys stumbled upon me, but happy to have you peep in my backyard. The B.O.B. may not like much, but she likes you I-am-bored peoples. Mad Love!

Ricklionhart: Ooh! A wise-old fart! Always room for your type in B.O.B.'s humble world. Thanks for your comment, it made my day and put a smile so big on my face I nearly popped out my dentures! I agree that too many young girls have no idea how far women have come. What a nice story!

Kelly: Right on the money. Most of the worst ads I remember were from Better Homes and Gardens, which was designed to be read by women. (No self respecting man back in the day would be caught dead with a copy in his hands, even if he was interested.) Good catch, you know your stuff.

Anon who posted at 6:50: Thanks, and trust me, i did think about slipping in the "long way baby" blurb back when I wrote this, but was afraid not all would get that connection. ;)

nicole: Agreed. I won't be able to look at a pair of tube socks the same way again. AAh!


Everyone:
Anyway, I stand corrected. Now that I see there are a few oldies mixed in with all those little rascals over at IAB, I'll be sure to leave out two bowls on the coffee table. Ribbon candy for the kiddos, one with prunes and chewable Metamucil tablets for those of us that are older, wiser, but still full of shit. ;)

Enjoyed your company, thanks for visiting! -The B.O.B.

Sarah Peace said...

Funniest random blog in a long time!

Check out the online excerpt from 1950s Home Economics textbook taught in schools - how to treat your husband! Funny stuff...
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/95q1/oldhomeec.html

Anonymous said...

I don't doubt most of those are real - especially the ones targeted at women's insecurities.
However, I'm convinced some of them aren't - like the one with the Worth1000 watermark. They just don't make marketing sense.

Anonymous said...

you forgot a recent one, kfc's give mom a night out from the kitchen.

True said...

go IAB!! thanks for acknowledging us B.O.B.

Anonymous said...

That American Apparel ad is three years old. Dov is nasty.

Welfarepimp said...

I blew in her face and she drownded

Anonymous said...

As a 21 year old man, I would like to apologize for the patriarchal pricks of the generations before mine. It was a previous state of evolution- the sloths that came before the chimps.

These ads are fucking disgusting.

Anonymous said...

Hey you 21y old sissy boy, grow a pair will you? And that goes to everyone else too.

BITTER OLD BITCH said...

"True said...

go IAB!! thanks for acknowledging us B.O.B."

True: The pleasure is all mine, nothing more fun than the occasional IAB invasion. I should be thanking *you*...you guys make an old lady smile. :D

"Welfarepimp said...
I blew in her face and she drownded"

*raises eyebrow* I hope by that you are implying that you are a pool float. In any case, next time - if you look carefully in your packaging, there should be a little rubber patch that came with you. Next time any embarrassing leaks like that occur, just stick it on and hopefully nobody will "drown" in the future.

Chelsea said...

After having lived in the time I have and seeing the way things used to be I can tell you one thing and this one thing only... Myself and a number of my other lady friends would never have survived in that time... Neither would about 97% of the men who tried to talk to us. Women now are strong and independent and I'm pretty sure even back then, most of the women could have taken their husbands on... Ladies is pimps too. (I've always wanted to say that.) ^_^

Anonymous said...

Ah the times when men knew how to treat women right. Too bad we are live to this sick modern world now.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry honey, you didn't burn the beer!

BHAHAHAHA

Syd Bandersnatch said...

i can't believe all these horrible ads, to think that at one point people thought one of these ads were true. horrible, women are so much more then any one of these stereotypes, they are all of em.

get some dick, preferably in your mouth to shut the fuck up

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting this collection! truly scary stuff...

I did note that the one towards the beginning that states "Turns out you gals are useful after all" looks like it was taken from the Worth1000.com website (logo in lower left corner), which holds photoshop contests.

Karen@Women's said...

When young women reject the word "feminist" I hope they can be directed to this site to see what it was their mothers and grandmothers had to fight against!

grum said...

The "Turns Out You Gals Are Useful After All" ad is a fake. The logo in the bottom left (Worth1000) is a watermark left on entries for a Photoshop contest. You might want to remove that one from the list.

grum said...

Also, the "She loves her socks" girl, Lauren Phoenix, is actually a porn star. That's why the pictures of her "loving her socks" look the way they do. It's meant to be a joke ad from American Apparel.

not dead yet said...

Thanks for the trip down memory lane. Got me all nostalgic for cloth sanitary pads and belts and full-body girdles in those halcyon days before abortion was legal. Kudos to my mom for raising her four daughters to jeer at ads like these and go our own way.

Moonmaid said...

My husband regresses to this kind of shit every so often. I think it's because his parents were not like this at all, and he wants it. I always call him out on it, when he leaves the dinner table and plops himself in front of the TV - "This is not Ozzie & Harriet!"

Moonmaid said...

And I am still trying to wrap my mind around douching with Lysol - that cannot be real!

Anonymous said...

Those flymo's were sweet....I wonder if I can find one on ebay or something...

Anonymous said...

Wow...you have issues. I'm a liberated woman, and I find most of these ads to be charming period pieces. No need to hate on the 1950s and 1960s to make your point.

Anonymous said...

To the anonymous women comment. All I will say is Shut up, liberated woman. And go take a women history class… NO go take an American History Class and see just how liberated you are! Liberated… funny word to use why not feminist…? Because you don’t want to be thought about as a unhappy bitch that is probably ugly that is why she hates on pretty bubbly girls… How about it lady liberation, what exactly have you liberated yourself from? Look at the adds they what was told to your mother and grandmother!

. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jenni.roger said...

Wow! I can hardly believe it was really that bad but, looking back, I suppose it was. Like Heather B, I grew up in the 50s and 60s and also married two of those sort of men. But I'm now married to the sort of treasure most women only dream of. Hands off, he's mine! And thanks for reminding me why he's so great...

Introspectre said...

Some of these really made me want to lean over and punch my husband just for good measure.

The power of advertising, mmm?

The power of karmic backlash can be a bitch, too.

Hell these things are bloody awful, but I thank you quite heartily for sharing them. Your comments beneath each one were golden.

male said...

For men who want bigger, harder, longer-lasting erections, there's now VigRX Plus™, a fresh twist on the already popular VigRX™, but designed to further enhance men's sexual functioning with the addition of three exciting new ingredients: Damiana, Tribulus, and Bioperin. Doctor endorsed and rated #1 for results by clients of penis enlargement consumers. rated two penis pills is vimax. if you find about male enhancement this products is the best and proven to work, there products have money-back guarantee in effectiveness and result.

Christian Shoe said...

2010/11 qiu dong outfit ladies fashion trend colour: a group of embroidered with oil and amber color tone, establish in blue ink color saturation. If the color Hervelegerbandage will aging, this is the aging process. Inspired by the rust of metals and oil leakage, the destruction of beauty only as time goes by nature. The neutral Herve Leger Skirts gray attune with embroider, copper and gold and purple jade color of warm color contrast. Dark olive green and brown adds the feeling.

Buy Remeron 30mg said...

As always, humor pervades the situations and the dialogue, and the illustrations are full of energy and movement.

Anonymous said...

Some of these are not sexist at all.

e.g.
smoking to keep a slender figure [how is it sexist to want to look healthy and attractive?]

the minicar ad -- a man could have her pose and convey the same driving naivete.

even a woman can open it ad: It has nothing to do with intelligence as you commented. It has to do with the factual difference in mean strength of men being greater than mean strength of women.

The douche commercials -- how is it sexist to say people [strangers, husbands, boyfriends, or girlfriends if you swing that way] don't want to smell a disgusting fishy smell? That's as ludicrous as saying it is sexist to advertise good odor control for men's armpits. It's just a commonsense goal to restrict odor -- not sexism.

michelle's yummy said...

I just found this site or blog or whatever it is, completely by accident. I was searching for something completely unrelated, and then another site popped up, which lead me to this one.

Actually, I agree with several of you for differant reasons. First of all, I do believe in equality, but also believe that there are definate differances between men and women that we can not overlook. For example, men are stronger but women are smarter (usually)!

The other site I just came from www.TheAngryCaveman.com seems to be completely one-sided, and basically points out (again in their opinion, not mine) that women should not be considered equal to men, and according to them..."need to be put in their place". They even push their opinions on the readers about little people (or as they say "midgets" and "dwarfs"), and other racial comments.

I'm just thankful that this site is more level headed, and at least seems to have some reasoning for why people have responded like they have.

Just my 2 cents worth.

pay per head said...

I'll be visiting your site again to gather some more valuable information. You truly did a good job.

business voip systems said...

I Like your blog,will sharing this with my friends, excellent work.
business voip systems

Cheap Jerseys from china said...

These are so appalling! And were so accepted. Amazing.

Cheap Nike NFL Jerseys said...

These are so appalling! And were so accepted. Amazing.

T Barnaby said...

are cavities genetic