Thursday, May 14, 2009

TWENTY-FIVE TOTALLY RAD EIGHTIES HAIRDOS (That we all try and pretend we didn't wear) + Special Bonus

And now, just for shits and is an awesome grouping of 25 hairdos from the 80s. Hair we wore, we loved...and now, shame us:

The Rockhawk

The Fountain

The Dyna-Mullet (Yes, once upon a time - mullets could be classy!)

The FAME Headband Workout Tussle

The Windy Wave

The Steven Hawking (a.k.a. The "Big Bang Theory")

The Up-Don't

The MJ Thriller

The Mermaid

The Gnarly Surfer

The Rocker Guy, The Rocker Girl (and BONUS: Rocker Kid!)

The Side Spiral Pony

The Loofah Bang

The High School Standard

The Rat-Tail Special

The Standard Poodle

The Ponytail Tower Of Powah!

The Nintend-mullet

The Manfro

The "Little Red Raving Hood"

The Banana Cliperoo

The Jodie-Crimpapalooza

The Hairzilla

The Bo Derek Braids

The Flamingo

And a special bonus, the Bitter Old Bitch has a note to you kids of today out there. So please, if you have any teenagers nearby, send them in the room now. I'll wait.

Ok....are they here?

Good. *clears throat*

Well hello there. I've been watching you kids out there...all on your facebooks and myspaces looking all pouty all the damn time. At first I thought it was all those little metal rings you kids had in your faces. They certainly look painful, and I thought that was why you were pouting all the time in your photos; because your faces hurt or because you had damaged some facial nerves and you were no longer able to smile. But after some careful observation I have realized why you look so sad.

....because you all look the damn same and you all have the same shitty haircut., change your hair and take out that crap from your face if you really want to be different. You'd be surprised what a boost to the self-esteem being an individual will make. Then maybe you'll smile for once. And give your parents a hug, they had shitty hair once too. But at least they had plenty to choose from.

........thus sayeth the Bitter Old Bitch


Shelley said...

Ugh, my mom still has the loofah bang. Please tell her to get rid of it.

Britt said...

Ugh! I totally hear what you are saying BOB! I am so sick of my two cats' pouty looks and emo hair. Why won't they just get over this stage and talk to me again?!?! I am going to sit them down and show them those awesome 80's hair-dos. Maybe I can convince them to let me perm their hair or at least give them a mullet. They need to understand the importance of being different and having awesome hair!

Scott W said...

I saw the best mullet yesterday. Dyed black! And a moustache and jazz button to match! AND it was on a man over 65! WITH a black tank top with cigarettes under the shoulder strap.

John said...

impressive collection. a little disappointed to not see the "mullet with really short hair on the sides with lines shaved in it" style, though.

also, good call on the bitchy kids today with their emo haircuts. perhaps a Banana Cliparoo will cheer them up.

loofah bang chick is hot!

Neal Snow said...

Amen on the emo hairstyle. Reminds me of an old cartoon strip that pictured a group of folks walking out of a clothing store, every one of them wearing a t-shirt that read "I don't follow trends". Yeah, uh huh.


Shelly: Oh man...your poor mom...LOL

Bad Cop: I say mohawks would be great looks on your cats.

Scott: I am green with envy. You must start carrying with you a camera at all times, man! Document that shit! LOL

John: trust me, I looked. I couldn't find that one or my own personal 80's nightmare..the 1/2 ponytail on top of the head (half hair in pony, other half down). If you find a pic, lemme know! And yup, banana Cliparoo will make anyone cheery! Nice work!

Neal: Yup exactly. It kills me to see they all have the same hairstyle, same eye makeup, and same damn holes in their face. So much for being different, eh?

Tim said...

Yumyumyum! More teenage emos, please.

Michelle S. said...

Pretty sure 7 of those "80s" hairstyles are still the rage in Jersey.

I actually sorta like the emo-asian hairstyle on kids. I'll pass on the piercings and kohl, though. Sure beats the shit out of the ridiculous Frosted Flip look from last decade that some women my age are still wearing (It doesn't make you look like Reese Witherspoon). Or worse, the Golden Helmet that all the female tv anchors wore up until a couple years ago. Talk about a lack of individuality!

sandy said...

I'll have to come back to read through this slower, in a hurry, but just noticed your occupation and location, hahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!

mustdestroyalltraces said...

two big thumbs up for the workout tussle and little red cut. maybe not in fashion, but always attractive. so there!

reen said...

Oh God, I sported the FAME. Thanks for the PTSD flare-up.

My word verification is "prophi." As in, I prophesize that 20 years from now these teen emos will put up a similar post.

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